Musings by J.D.Stefanovic

Posts tagged “marriage

Disconnected heart

SEA WAVESSo after my very first blog post yesterday i thought that i´d continue. Writing is actually something that i have really never done so bear with me if the writing is a bit incoherent and all over the place. But here we go my very first and real topic.

I thought that I’d try to put some of my thoughts around this matter into words perhaps to get some clarification to myself as well.

Have you ever stumbled on this feeling that it feels like you´re disconnected from yourself and your own emotions? If someone asks you how you´re doing you´re not really able to tell. You often say “I´m good” but the fact is that you´re just on autopilot. You are functioning, you´re fully able to complete your tasks at work and you´re awake but still it feels like you´re just moving along with everyone else. Well I’ve felt like this a lot. The more I get swamped with work the more disconnected I become. By disconnected I mean not being able to sense how you´re really doing, what do you feel in your heart? The fact that I can wake up in the morning and make conversation or laugh at work doesn´t really tell anything about how you´re really doing. I have often had to really stop and think for quite a while on how am I REALLY doing? This is a huge subject which would almost be impossible for me to cover and I don´t even have the knowledge enough to do so but what is it that causes us to act like this? As if there´s a switch that gets turned on and off. I would say that my wife is a master on telling the difference whether I am present or not. So far she´s been 100% correct when pointing this out to me. 🙂

One thing that I do know is that whether you´re present or not makes a huge difference on your marriage, friendships and everyday life. Things that I hadn´t thought about before my wife pointed them out was that I could easily come home after a long and busy work day and barely make any contact with my wife, not intentionally, I guess I just felt so tired all the time that I just felt like diving into the couch and just shut down my brains completely. But the fact is that this had a huge impact on how our relationship evolved. When I more frequently started to ask myself, “that hey how are you doing? Paying attention to what was really going on inside of me. This have made a huge impact on my life and a noticeable change in me as a person that I’m actually aware of how I’m doing. But by trying to get in touch with my heart feels like an essential thing today. I don´t claim that I got this but I am aware of the fact that this makes a huge difference in our lives.

So being present what does that mean? I guess a good way is to say it like this. Your mind is yours – Your emotions are yours – Your Will is yours – but Your heart is You! So basically what determines who I am as a person is my heart. How does one live out of your heart then? Well that´s a new journey for me and probably a journey that will last until I die. What i´ve realized is that what I do for a living or whatever my education is, that has actually nothing to do with my true identity. I do my work but that is not where my dreams lie. I might be a musician or a carpenter or whatever but that is not who I am that is something I do. But what I carry in my heart that is me, that is what determines me as a person.  Unfortunately it seems like our world works the opposite way. Your education or occupation determines who and what you are, that becomes your identity and you live your life through that. Now I don´t mean that you can´t carry pride in what you do, many of us have worked really hard to get where we are and that´s admirable. But there´s so much more in this life than career and money. Already written this long so i don´t want to bore you to death. Part two will follow at some point with some elaboration on the subject. Don´t know if any of it made any sense but this is something that has changed me, far from there yet but this is way better than I used to be.

Take care people

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